This is about you.

This is no longer about strangers. This is about someone you thought you’d never see again, who beat the odds and tore their way into your heart. Who fit so perfectly, who made you see the future in ways never seen before. This is about the time you took a chance on a stranger, and you end up crushed on the shower floor, wondering how things could have spiraled through the atmosphere to lead you to this very place. This place, where your chest is hollow, your stomach inside out, and your mind a rush of how how how. where, when. is this reality?

How do I start explaining these things? I could write you hundreds of letters but you wouldn’t understand the ache in my chest. You wouldn’t understand the way I say goodnight to you while I’m lying in the dark and you aren’t there next to me. Or the way that I wake up surrounded by pillows, dreaming they are you. The dread I feel when I’ve woken but can’t open my eyes, and the feeling fades into dark behind my eyelids. It would be so easy to be selfish, but I’d never forgive myself. I want so much for you, for us.I drink coffee to fill my stomach and paint my nails to fill my ego. I do my hair and wonder if you’d like it. I am given a compliment and wish it was from you.You can’t understand how you can be constantly present while so far away.