People of modern society and me.

People called me rude, self centered and arrogant. Ohh really? Am I ?? I asked myself. I heard echoed voice and it says, " when no one is there to care us, we started loving ourselves, believing in ourselves. So, relax and move ahead." Oh my god, seriously? I am a good persona, right? Because my heart says it. I am glad😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊☺☺☺☺😇😇......... I love this amazing roller coaster. I fly alone, I sing alone, I dance alone ...whatever I live alone. Not only that, I live my life fully. I am enjoying this precious moment. Ya, I am crazy and no one can reach to the bottom of my craziness. Being normal is boring for me. I am free because I know that I am morally responsible for everything I do. I am free, no matter what rules surround me. If I find them tolerable, I tolerate them. If I find them too obnoxious, I break them. I am free because I know that I alone am morally responsible for everything I do. I always said that life lived for others is really worthwhile. But who cares? Somewhere people were dying because they were poor, somewhere children were murdering their passion because they were orphan but who cares? Being woman is a curse? I never understand how can u molest a girl; as you were in this earth because of your lovely mother but who cares? People were fighting with each other in the name of religion, in the name of God. But today I wanna ask you, " where is your god?" And does your religion taught you to fight with other human? You know, now i have doubt on your existence. Do you really exist? Are you a human? Where is your humanity? Don't told me that you have already buried your manner in the very beginning when nomenclature started taking place. When you get your identity.
You are selfish dear. You are. At least I care about others but you don't. You have forgotten your ritual. I hope Lord Buddha will come back very soon to taught you the purpose of your life.
You have forgotten that one day even you will leave this wonderful world. 

HOMO SAPIENS,
LIVE FOR YOURSELF, YOU WILL LIVE IN VAIN.
LIVE FOR OTHERS, YOU WILL LIVE AGAIN.

Yup, I have mental disorder.

What happens when heart stops beating?  When your mind stops thinking? The most terrifying moment when you hurt yourself because of the fear of uncertainty, fear of failure. People said that you must have to listen to your heart and act responsibly. But when everyone left you and when you prefer to be alone then it's obvious to be suffered from mental illness. You don't find any obvious reason to be lethargic mentally and even you don't like to reveal the truth to others. You try to handle the situation but you can't because you don't have any control over it. You dreamed to reach the peak, you dreamed everyday to be a good citizen,  you dreamed everyday to be the one which you want to be, you dreamed to be an social activist but all of sudden you stop dreaming because you don't know where you are going..may be going where the wind blows. It's easy to give advice to others but when the things haunt you then only you get to know what's right and what's not? You don't have any idea where to go or where not? You caught in dilemma. You can't stay focused but nothing bothers you because you don't care anymore. You try  to stand up but you can't gather those pieces altogether. You were hurt but you don't wanna blame others. You don't want sympathy neither any empathy. You just wanna do whatever you like. You cried without reason and even you don't need any  reason to laugh. You tried to kill yourself but you can't because you see a smile on your parent's face because of you. And you decide to live for them and to be happy for them. you see a rays of hope and you struggle everyday to live a better life.