Yup, I have mental disorder.

What happens when heart stops beating?  When your mind stops thinking? The most terrifying moment when you hurt yourself because of the fear of uncertainty, fear of failure. People said that you must have to listen to your heart and act responsibly. But when everyone left you and when you prefer to be alone then it's obvious to be suffered from mental illness. You don't find any obvious reason to be lethargic mentally and even you don't like to reveal the truth to others. You try to handle the situation but you can't because you don't have any control over it. You dreamed to reach the peak, you dreamed everyday to be a good citizen,  you dreamed everyday to be the one which you want to be, you dreamed to be an social activist but all of sudden you stop dreaming because you don't know where you are going..may be going where the wind blows. It's easy to give advice to others but when the things haunt you then only you get to know what's right and what's not? You don't have any idea where to go or where not? You caught in dilemma. You can't stay focused but nothing bothers you because you don't care anymore. You try  to stand up but you can't gather those pieces altogether. You were hurt but you don't wanna blame others. You don't want sympathy neither any empathy. You just wanna do whatever you like. You cried without reason and even you don't need any  reason to laugh. You tried to kill yourself but you can't because you see a smile on your parent's face because of you. And you decide to live for them and to be happy for them. you see a rays of hope and you struggle everyday to live a better life.