Last letter to him.

Dear ______,

I have written this letter more times than I would like to admit. At first, it started as hate mail—STRONG hate mail. (Sorry.) When you first broke up with me, I wrote pages of rage and pain, hoping I would feel better after, but I didn’t. Then a month later, I wrote another one after seeing you for the first time. Again, no part of me felt healed from it. Another letter followed when 'P' passed away. Except this time there was no hate, only sadness, because I didn’t have your hand to hold. I missed you in that letter. Then a few months later, the animosity came back when I thought you had a new girlfriend. Between these specific moments, I wrote short pieces about what I missed the most, why I was still mad, how I hoped you would feel the same heartbreak one day. All of the things I thought would make me feel better, I wrote down. Now, over a year later, I found what actually helped me heal: time. The cliché I never wanted to listen to ended up being the truth. So now, I sit down to write you what I hope to be the last letter I need to write. I assure you this time, it won’t be angry hate mail or pathetic “miss me like I miss you” mail. Instead, this is a letter of thanks, apology, promise, and hope.

THANKS

Thank you for giving me a love that hurt so much at the end. Saying goodbye to you, us, and the relationship we had created broke my heart in ways I didn’t think was possible. At first, I was angry at you for this. But over time, I have realized that it hurt as bad as it did because of how passionate and strong our love had grown to be. And for that, I thank you with all that I am. Thank you for giving meaning to all those love songs, romantic comedies, and heartfelt quotes. During our entire relationship, I never doubted your feelings for me. Your gaze never wavered. And I say that with full honesty. I didn’t wonder if you were going to be unfaithful; I knew I was the only girl in your life. Thank you for being somebody that I could fully trust and for being the type of guy who thought I was enough.

Which leads me into the next thank you in order: thank you for teaching me that I was enough for myself. Before we dated, I doubted who I was, how I looked, and what I was doing almost daily. My self-confidence just did not exist. But you showed me how to love myself. By seeing myself through your eyes, I was able to start loving my dark eyes and curved sides. With your help, I heard my laugh differently and felt better about my thighs when I walked. And I don’t think you ever realized that you did it. Your genuine compliments and support showed me my own self-worth. Now in times of doubt, I remember the way you loved me, and it still helps. So, thank you.